Should risk it or should I…..

My mind is everywhere at the moment.

I’m trying so hard, but I am so scared. I feel like I am being taken for a ride and perhaps I am, but the real question is, is it all worth it, is he worth it ?

Risks are things we as human beings are faced with almost everyday. How often do we risk in vain. Risk is to be feared, however to risk and come out successful is a prize. A victory for ones self as they challenge fear and succeed.

I want to be one of these people. I want to be over the top and stubborn I want to fight so hard for the person I love just to be sure that I did all I could. Sounds simple right?
WRONG!

It’s losing him forever that I fear. my risk is that it may already be to late. What is a broken hearted girl to do.

I feel so pathetically absorbed by him , My fascination, My Hobby, My safe place……… My human.

But what am I to him, does he think of me as I think of him.
Does he feel himself wanting to tell me jokes or stories, as I so him,
Does he miss me…… As I do him.

It’s attachment to ones company or presence that cripples you when letting go. How we forget what it was to be just me. To find yourself still including the other as if they are still around to care. To fool ones own mind is an art form, to pretend is to protect….. But only temporarily.

Because “they” are gone, “we” are no longer, there is no more “us” or “ours” just “me” and the thousands of pieces iv been left to patch together.

An indecisive mind

Confidence is key but I feel it is split in so many different forms. Perhaps even situations. In fact I believe I am confident in different situations around certain people.

Why do we care if another human being has an opinion of us And why do we care about the type Of opinion it is.

I feel love is such an overwhelming thing. It can cause beyond a million things good and bad. But I feel both ways are rather overwhelming. I’m not to sure what my personal feelings about that are but if asked on the spot I’d say overwhelming has never appealed to me.

I feel it’s time for me to change. I feel like in ready for it. Perhaps I’m just tired of suffering. Of all the addictions I could have obtained it had to be self inflicted suffering.

Or I’m just really tired of shit. Someone is always upset. How am I supposed to keep track of the situations I’m right or wrong in. I feel I should invest in a council or a board of directors

Geeeez get me to the shrinks I tell you! I’m confusing the minds of fools.

I miss him I think about him all the time.

If only……I know it not real and I am well aware of is constant presence in my speech. And well let’s be honest kicking the bad habits was never my forte

But love, that I can give, but only to u. The only one I will ever do anything for is you. But u don’t deserve it.

Then again neither do I.

My mind train pit stops seem to have the craziest passengers Id like to think that if my mind were a show it would be Looney Toones